Relationships…
This is in response to this article:
http://www.toughgirl101.com/2008/12/unemotional-women/
my comment
http://www.toughgirl101.com/2008/12/unemotional-women/comment-page-1/#comment-5908
John, I think you absolutely hit the nail on the head. Love is an emotional thing, why be with someone if you wont be emotional? I think you need to balance emotionality and rationality, because, like most things in life, balance works best, not either extreme. I am a very emotional guy who is with a reserved (I wouldnt say unemotional woman.) Actually anyone who says theyre unemotional is lying to themselves, because everyone is emotional to some extent, its part of our brain chemistry. You might try to supress it, but it will always be there. Ice queens are misunderstood, they are emotional, but they know when to control it and when to let it out, and men must understand that their behavior doesnt mean they care any less, but because theyve learned the best way to respond in a situation, so they dont inflame it, but deal with it thoughtfully, to ensure the best possible outcome. But that doesnt mean they cant let loose emotionally, when the situation calls for it either! You must be emotional to some extent, to allow yourself to experience the highs of a relationship, even though there will also be some lows (but not go to extremes of emotionality either, or else the lows will hurt the relationship more than the highs will help it grow)– but thats how a relationship gets tested to see if its meant to last.

It seems like people think of a relationship as competition rather than a partnership, and that competition damages it. People dont realize theyre supposed to be on the same side as their partner. Like my significant other said (and she is the reserved one) know that you always have the support of your partner, whether they show it or not– its not a competition, trying to get the other person to crack first. Also, women find confident men attractive, so while emotionality is good to a certain extent, dont let it make you insecure– which can be a major problem and barricade to a healthy and productive relationship. Even rational women like a secure confident guy, because someone who is secure in themselves, also makes the woman feel secure and confident in him and the relationship. Instead of arguing about why your partner is seemingly unemotional (which creates and festers insecurity on both sides), it would be better to open healthy communication channels and talk about the specific issues youre really worried about, because I can guarantee that if you think they are issues, they do too, and remember they are your partner, not your opponent or an object of domination or a mother-figure, equality is what its all about… I find that emotional men like me want to see more emotion in the woman to feel secure she feels about us the same we do, but we need to realize that just because she is reserved, it doesnt mean she cares any less than we do! Its best to take a step back and take a deep breath when you feel a negative emotional outburst coming on, and know that you might say something you will regret later, and then come back and actually be able to eloquently communicate what the issue is, rather than just the emotions behind it, which your partner will appreciate, because they’ll know you care enough about them to actually bother to tell them whats going on, rather than using them as an emotional boxing bag.

I find that I can better analyze my friends’relationships and help them out more than I can my own sometimes, because I can maintain a healthy emotional distance (note Im not unemotional, just not emotionally extreme, and I do care if my friends’ relationships work out), I think it would help alot of us (I know it helped me) to be able to transfer some of this into my own relationship (friends had always commented how great I am at giving advice, why dont I follow it lol), and now that Im starting to, I find myself becoming much happier, by being emotional at the right time, and applying logic under stressful situations, rather than letting my emotions run rough shod all the time. Like I said before, a healthy balance of both is preferrable to either extreme to make a relationship work and grow. Yes, we all like to romanticize the perfect relationship that is out there for us, but the fact is no one is perfect, so how can a relationship be? It always needs to be worked on and never taken for granted and allowed to breathe and grow, as do the individual people who comprise it, and then and only then, can you bear the labor of that fruit– and there’s nothing wrong in that, the fact is, like everything in life, you cant gain an appreciation of a great relationship unless you work hard at it, and realize it takes two people to build it, but only one to tear it down. Its always easier to tear something down then to build it up and a few short words can hurt something that took so long to build, so remember that. One thing I can say about a great relationship is not only do you learn about your partner, you also learn a great deal about yourself. Because, a great relationship not only makes you happy, it challenges you, to show yourself to be the person you need to be to make it work. And that’s as it should be, the road to everything worthwhile is challenging, but the final goal can not only be emotionally exilirating, but serenely satisfying as well (meaning it can make us happy both emotionally and rationally!) And the journey towards that goal can be just as exilirating and satisfying as reaching the final goal (if we ever do, Im of the opinion that a relationship always needs to be nurtured, so there is no final goal… the journey is the thing!)

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